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Hurricane Sally Review: It Was Wank
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With hurricanes like Ivan and Katrina, the annihilation they caused upon the country was national news. The hearts of a nation went out to the victims of these storms, whereas half the people I know weren’t even aware that a hurricane had struck Alabama and Florida. Interestingly, there has been some research done showing that on average, straight men and lesbian women who survive a major storms had a 300% increase in nude pics texted and instant messaged to them. On the flip side of that coin, heterosexual women were 200% less likely to be the recipient of an unsolicited dick pic. As you can see, the lack of national coverage is adding a lot of stress to people wanting to see naked ladies and people not wanting to see random dicks. [/fakenews]
As for the storm itself, it was alright. The winds and rain were good levels where you could run around outside, or even drive a bit, for a nice dose of adrenaline. I would have preferred the storm to be happening more during daylight hours as opposed to nighttime, because damn was this thing loud and I really wanted to catch some zzzzzz’s. However, the drops of rain themselves were especially chubby, which I always enjoy, as the visual never fails to summon a barrage of Bowfinger jokes.
Personally, I really like having electricity, so the aftermath of the storm was most certainly the worst part. Still, I gotta hand it to our local power company for pulling out all the stops to get everyone back on the grid pretty damn quick. The hurricane itself is getting poor marks in this review, but if this was a review about Gulf Power, they’d be getting an A+.
As for the storm itself, it was alright. The winds and rain were good levels where you could run around outside, or even drive a bit, for a nice dose of adrenaline. I would have preferred the storm to be happening more during daylight hours as opposed to nighttime, because damn was this thing loud and I really wanted to catch some zzzzzz’s. However, the drops of rain themselves were especially chubby, which I always enjoy, as the visual never fails to summon a barrage of Bowfinger jokes.
Personally, I really like having electricity, so the aftermath of the storm was most certainly the worst part. Still, I gotta hand it to our local power company for pulling out all the stops to get everyone back on the grid pretty damn quick. The hurricane itself is getting poor marks in this review, but if this was a review about Gulf Power, they’d be getting an A+.
Still, I do think hurricanes are the best natural disaster. Earthquakes and tornadoes are so unpredictable and can appear out of nowhere, which is no good. Blizzards, like hurricanes, can be spotted before they strike, but are basically a freezing cold hurricane. I’ll take rain over snow anyday, thank you. A hurricane is the easiest to spot, easiest to run away from, and the easiest to come back from. Plus, you get the satisfaction of knowing that people in California would sacrifice their children to their pagan gods for some rain to combat the fires they are receiving for being such a heathen filled, sinful place.
One particularly amusing moment: I was driving around one day after the storm had passed, just killing time and checking out the damage. I was at an intersection with a stoplight that obviously didn’t have power, so people were doing what they do and were treating the intersection as a four way stop. One of the street signs had been blown off, but someone had helpfully propped it up against an electrical box located in the gas station on the corner’s parking lot.I had the thought to myself “You should go steal that!” because deep down I’m a terrible human being, on a genetic level and all that. I then chuckle aloud, as of course I’m not actually going to steal it; who in their right mind is going to risk getting popped for stealing state property in Florida to hang something dumb on their wall? At this point, I am still about four cars from the intersection. Still amused by the thought, a truck jets into the parking lot of the Circle K and slams on its brakes as it nears the aforementioned electrical box/prop for the road sign. Out jumps a man who must have been either drunk or hungover, donning tan cargo shorts and a grey wifebeater undershirt. His neck hunched with his shoulders raised, this 6’3 piece of seemingly white trash comically ran on his tippy-toes like The Repo Man from early 90’s WWF. This man had the same thieving idea as myself, but it had inspired action, not just humor, for this gentle giant.
Finally, my turn to turn came, so I took my car to the right, but it wasn’t more than a moment or two on the road until I noticed that a bit further down, the entire street was flooded! While some big trucks were making it through, a Cadalliac was stalled out in the middle of it all, completely stuck with its engine submerged. I again laughed out loud before performing a U-Turn in my Honda, twice proving I’m a douchebag, but my cackling kicked up to a Woody Woodpecker degree when I got back to the intersection with the gas station. There I was visually delighted to see a beyond annoyed police officer yelling at The Repo Man. Repo had his arms up in the air, obviously doing his best to apologize to and appease the law enforcement officer, who seemed more annoyed than angry. I can just picture the cop nattering “Middle of a pandemic, right after a hurricane, I got to stop what I’m doing to yell at you for trying to steal a road sign? What is wrong with you man?!?!”
Overall, I’m going to rate Hurricane Sally 2 out of 10 generators. It was powerful enough to topple trees, ruin roofs, and a whole lot more, but it wasn’t such a tragedy that I started getting nudes from random girls I used to know across the country to make me feel better, so yea, pretty f’n worthless.
One particularly amusing moment: I was driving around one day after the storm had passed, just killing time and checking out the damage. I was at an intersection with a stoplight that obviously didn’t have power, so people were doing what they do and were treating the intersection as a four way stop. One of the street signs had been blown off, but someone had helpfully propped it up against an electrical box located in the gas station on the corner’s parking lot.I had the thought to myself “You should go steal that!” because deep down I’m a terrible human being, on a genetic level and all that. I then chuckle aloud, as of course I’m not actually going to steal it; who in their right mind is going to risk getting popped for stealing state property in Florida to hang something dumb on their wall? At this point, I am still about four cars from the intersection. Still amused by the thought, a truck jets into the parking lot of the Circle K and slams on its brakes as it nears the aforementioned electrical box/prop for the road sign. Out jumps a man who must have been either drunk or hungover, donning tan cargo shorts and a grey wifebeater undershirt. His neck hunched with his shoulders raised, this 6’3 piece of seemingly white trash comically ran on his tippy-toes like The Repo Man from early 90’s WWF. This man had the same thieving idea as myself, but it had inspired action, not just humor, for this gentle giant.
Finally, my turn to turn came, so I took my car to the right, but it wasn’t more than a moment or two on the road until I noticed that a bit further down, the entire street was flooded! While some big trucks were making it through, a Cadalliac was stalled out in the middle of it all, completely stuck with its engine submerged. I again laughed out loud before performing a U-Turn in my Honda, twice proving I’m a douchebag, but my cackling kicked up to a Woody Woodpecker degree when I got back to the intersection with the gas station. There I was visually delighted to see a beyond annoyed police officer yelling at The Repo Man. Repo had his arms up in the air, obviously doing his best to apologize to and appease the law enforcement officer, who seemed more annoyed than angry. I can just picture the cop nattering “Middle of a pandemic, right after a hurricane, I got to stop what I’m doing to yell at you for trying to steal a road sign? What is wrong with you man?!?!”
Overall, I’m going to rate Hurricane Sally 2 out of 10 generators. It was powerful enough to topple trees, ruin roofs, and a whole lot more, but it wasn’t such a tragedy that I started getting nudes from random girls I used to know across the country to make me feel better, so yea, pretty f’n worthless.